For about 4 years I've been having this internal battle over drinking alcohol. I hate even writing that because it sounds so goody two-shoes. And I am just not that. But it's real so I'll write on. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't crave it, except for maybe around my period or on a particularly stressful day. I just love the taste of beer. I like to try new kinds and I love going to breweries would love to even work at one because it just looks fun.
But I feel stuck in this certain place in life. I don't know how else to describe it other than stuck. I mean life keeps moving forward but I feel like I'm at a standstill inside. It was about 4 years ago I heard that Whisper say, "I want you to stop drinking. Period." I just didn't even want to hear that. Because beer is tasty and sometimes drinking is fun and sometimes it helps me connect with people. But I thought I would try it, so I did. I'd give it up, feel really good, kinda miss it, a stressful day would come or a party where everyone else was drinking. Then I'd tell myself I was just being legalistic and it's totally fine, or it's good for me to drink with people because we're connecting.
This cycle has pretty much been going on for 4 years. It's lame and I hate it. I don't think drinking alcohol is wrong, but disobeying is. I know I've heard clearly from God to not drink. That might sound weird, but whatever. It's true for me. I've heard him say it in more ways than one. A whisper, my Bible, dreams.
The interesting thing is when I happen to mention this business to friends many times they'll say they've been thinking or feeling similar. Which makes me feel better, not because I'm glad they're going through this. I'm just glad to know I'm not alone.
I really do want to obey and I really do want to move on from this standstill. I don't know what I'm moving on to, but I really want to move. Because going in circles is maddening. The question is, am I willing to give up the temporary pleasure for the longterm victory/freedom/blessing?