Quitting hurry

I QUIT!!  I'm quitting hurry.  I'm quitting being rushed.  I'm sure I've said this before, but this time I'm really doing it.  I'm 95% sure if I died tonight and someone asked my kids what they remembered most about me they would say, "She was always in a hurry.  Always saying, 'Hurry up!' or 'Come on, we're gonna be late!'"  O.k. I'm kidding... but not really.

The worst part... nobody is making me hurry.  I do it to myself and to my poor kids.  And what am I hurrying for?  To feel important?  To look good?  To get church on time at the expense of my kids' feelings when I'm yelling at them to hurry up, and then try to walk in and look like we've been singing praise and worship with big smiles on our faces the whole drive there?  What a fraud!

I'm 30.  I look back and my 20's are a blur.  It could have to do with getting married and having three kids.  But I think it has to do with being in a hurry to get to the next phase in life.  So in a hurry that I forgot to enjoy the now.

No more.  I choose now.  No more hurry.  No more being in a rush.  If I'm a little late, that will just have to be o.k.  In a world that keeps speeding up, this girl is slowing down to enjoy the ride.

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens"

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Stay-at-home-mom??

Technically I am considered a "SAHM" (Stay-at-home-mom).  Although lately I haven't been doing a lot of staying at home.  This fact became very clear to me today as a shelf collapsed this afternoon in my mudroom.  The cause of the collapse?  Too much JUNK!

And it's not just the one shelf.  As I looked around there were crazy chaotic piles of random things all over the house.  I love my house, but honestly there are many times when I just want to be out of it so I don't have to face the STUFF that has taken over.  Plus I love being with people and being involved in lots of different things.  But at some point enough is enough.  I can't neglect my house forever.  This is my job and if I had a boss I would've been fired a long time ago.

It's time for this stay-at-home-mom to start staying at home.

Day 3

Starting day 3 of the "7" food challenge.  I'm not gonna lie.  The first two days were rough.  Not terrible, but rough.  I am realizing that at least 50% of my daily energy is kept up by coffee.  I'm very grateful that my caffeine headache is subsiding and my mind is not as foggy as the past 2 days.

I'm also realizing how much emphasis I put on food and how large of a part it plays in my life.  It affects my mood and my activities.  Scary!  Thinking about doing something fun with my kids or going on a date with Matt, and the only ideas I can think of are food destinations.

With 2 days down and 28 to go I know I have a long road ahead.  But I am grateful for a great group of friends who are keeping me accountable, checking in with me, and most importantly, praying.  I couldn't do it without them.  Also, I'm so grateful that God sends bits of encouragement in other ways.  Like the song lyrics I heard yesterday:

"Impossible is not a word, it's just a reason not to try"

In the past 6 months I've read 4 books having to do with living a life that is marked by being completely head over heels for Jesus.  So head over heels that I have no choice but to travel on the "narrow road" that Jesus talks about.  The life that dies to self and lives to serve.  When I hear the word serve the first thing that comes to mind is "burnt out".  Because often times when I serve there is a part of me that is in it for me.  Let's be real, a LARGE part is in it for me.  And when "ME" is the goal, true satisfaction cannot come.  Because I'm greedy and there will always be something more I want.  I'll strive and strive to the point of burn out and never be satisfied.

The first 3 books I read are "Radical" by David Platt, "WEIRD: Because Normal Isn't Working" by Craig Groeschel, and "Same Kind of Different as Me" by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.  All INCREDIBLE books.  Each one had me staying up late and finding any minute I could to read.  The themes that kept coming up in each of these books:

• Relationships are essential, the most important 
• In order to live FULLY for Jesus, I have to die COMPLETELY to myself
• It's not always easy, but it is always worth it     

My mind kept being pounded by these messages.  I knew there was a reason God kept bringing this up.  My excuse for not acting on it?  "These are all guys.  They're pastors and what not.  It's easy for them to do it.  They don't have kids to take care of all the time."

Well, last week God blew that excuse out of the water as I read "7: Experimental Mutiny Against Excess" by Jen Hatmaker.  She's a mom, she's a wife, she's a woman.  She speaks my language and I knew all my excuses were gone.

To say I was inspired by this book would be an incredible understatement.  A slightly different message than the other books, but the same themes as above.  The most important theme I found: less me, MORE GOD.  less take, MORE GIVE.

So, it's time to get to work.  "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith." -Hebrews 12:1-2

Today I can be likened to a toddler throwing a huge temper tantrum.  You wouldn't know it from the outside.  But my Heavenly Father who know every thought can see it on the inside.

This morning I read in Matthew 20 where Jesus tells the disciples that, "whoever want to become great among you must be your servant"-v. 26  At 7:00 a.m. I said, "Yes Lord, that's what I want.  Make me a servant."  I even told my kids about it and we prayed it on the way to school.

Well, it's all of 2:00 p.m. and I'm already stomping my feet and saying, "Why me Lord?"  Or, "Why not me Lord?  You do everything for everyone but me!"  Oh Lord have mercy on me!  What a whiner I am.

I really do want to be like Jesus.  I want to be the servant He calls me to be.  I am impatient and want what I want when I want it.  And sometimes don't even know what I want, but I want it anyway.  I am so like a child.  In the middle of my little meltdown I opened my Bible straight to a very familiar page that is highlighted for a reason.

"Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground.  This is what the Lord say- the Holy One of Israel, and its Maker: do you question me about my children, or give me orders about the work of my hands?" -Isaiah 45:9,11

He has an answer for everything.  He made me and is making me into the woman I'm called to be.  Thank you Lord for not giving up on me.  Your grace still amazes me.

I stepped into the world of crafting today, all for the love of my daughters.  Especially Lola.  I'm pretty sure one of her love languages is arts and crafts.  I'm happy to say it went well and I really enjoyed it!

just a glimpse of the supply table

so happy with the finished product

Today I was cleaning out my bookshelves and came across a few old journals.  I love journals!  I love writing things down.  It's like therapy for me to get thoughts and feelings out on a piece of paper.  I especially like writing down prayers.  It keeps me focused.

I flipped through and read some of the entries.  Some made me laugh, some made me cringe, and some made me feel embarrassed.  Most of all, reading them made me feel like I was on a roller coaster.  One day I would be high, happy and praising the Lord.  And the next entry I'd be low, crying out or throwing a fit right there on the page.

I put them away and started to think, "what is wrong with me?!"  How can I be so up can down?  I'm a mess and my journals prove it.  I considered throwing them away, but I couldn't.  They're from when my kids were born and there are great answers to prayer in there.  Just as my thoughts were beginning to get the best of me the word "Psalms" popped into my head.

Immediately I was comforted.  Even David, the man after God's own heart, had highs and lows.  And he wrote them down too!  Psalm 21:1 says, "The king rejoices in your strength, Lord.  How great is his joy in the victories you give!"  Only to be followed by Psalm 22:1, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?" 


It's nice to know I'm not the only one.  God knows us better than we'll ever know ourselves.  He loves us on our lowest day just as much as he loves us on our highest day.  This is a mystery to me, but I am forever grateful.