Monday, October 19, 2015

I love Jesus but I drink a little

For about 4 years I've been having this internal battle over drinking alcohol.  I hate even writing that because it sounds so goody two-shoes.  And I am just not that.  But it's real so I'll write on.  I'm not an alcoholic.  I don't crave it, except for maybe around my period or on a particularly stressful day.  I just love the taste of beer.  I like to try new kinds and I love going to breweries would love to even work at one because it just looks fun.

But I feel stuck in this certain place in life.  I don't know how else to describe it other than stuck.  I mean life keeps moving forward but I feel like I'm at a standstill inside.  It was about 4 years ago I heard that Whisper say, "I want you to stop drinking. Period."  I just didn't even want to hear that.  Because beer is tasty and sometimes drinking is fun and sometimes it helps me connect with people.  But I thought I would try it, so I did.  I'd give it up, feel really good, kinda miss it, a stressful day would come or a party where everyone else was drinking.  Then I'd tell myself I was just being legalistic and it's totally fine, or it's good for me to drink with people because we're connecting.

This cycle has pretty much been going on for 4 years.  It's lame and I hate it.  I don't think drinking alcohol is wrong, but disobeying is.  I know I've heard clearly from God to not drink.  That might sound weird, but whatever.  It's true for me.  I've heard him say it in more ways than one.  A whisper, my Bible, dreams.

The interesting thing is when I happen to mention this business to friends many times they'll say they've been thinking or feeling similar.  Which makes me feel better, not because I'm glad they're going through this.  I'm just glad to know I'm not alone.  

I really do want to obey and I really do want to move on from this standstill.  I don't know what I'm moving on to, but I really want to move.  Because going in circles is maddening.  The question is, am I willing to give up the temporary pleasure for the longterm victory/freedom/blessing?

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

So caught up in life I forgot to take a picture

Recently I attended the wedding of one of my best friends.  I took a million pictures because it was just a blast and I don't get to see these people often.  I love taking pictures.  I love posting pictures.  I love it when you like and comment on my pictures.
But I'm noticing there are some moments when the camera needs to be put away so I can just fully take in the moment.  I know the whole point of taking a picture is so you can capture the moment. But there are certain times when you miss out because of that.  For instance, I was at my friends wedding and she was just about to walk downstairs, and her Dad was going to see her in her dress for the first time.  It was emotional and exciting.  Her Dad was getting his phone ready so he could take her picture as she walked down.  And I just thought, "No, you are going to experience this through your own eyes, not through the screen on your phone.  Because this moment is once in a lifetime!"  I told him that, took his phone, and captured the moment for him.  It was precious and wonderful and he was able to be fully involved in it.
Not every moment needs to be documented in pictures.  I got engaged in 2001.  I had no smart phone or Facebook or anything to document it.  But I remember everything about that moment.  I close my eyes and picture exactly where I was standing with Matt.  We were on a train platform in Portland and it felt like we were the only people there.  That moment is ours.  It's like our own little treasure.  It is one of my favorite moments in life.  And nobody can see it except him and me and that's just fine.
In a time when life is saturated with pictures, pictures, and more pictures, let's not forget to put the camera down and view life through our own eyes.  Let's get so caught up in life that we forget about our phones and posting and tweeting and really live in the moment and see the person in front of us.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

God has a sense of humor

Yesterday my kids went back to school after a week long break.  When I went to pick them up I asked one of them how the day was.  They said, "not good".  Then proceeded to tell me about getting in trouble at recess.  This is not this kids first run in with the recess police, so I kinda know the drill.  They keep telling me all the details of why it wasn't fair and how mad they are.  I see the Principal and he catches my eye and gives me the "We need to talk" look.  I know the look well because I've gotten that look more times in the past 3 years than I care to count.

OK, but then it gets funny.  We're driving home and talking about the whole incident, and we clearly disagree with one another.  I'm really not upset because honestly, I've been through similar scenarios with this kid for what feels like a zillion times.  The radio is on some random channel and the tune suddenly catches my attention.  The song was "My Life" by Billy Joel!  Do you know that song?  If you don't you should definitely look it up.  It was a favorite of mine when I was a kid.  The timing of it was so funny because my kid is basically telling me they know best and nobody else does so just butt out.  And the lyrics of the song go:

"I don't care what you say anymore this is my life.  Go ahead with you're own life, leave me alone"

Hahaha!!  I couldn't help but laugh and turn up the radio and sing.  And when my kiddo heard the lyrics they said, "Yes!! Exactly!  This is exactly what I am saying!"  

It was just hilarious and perfect timing.  It lightened the mood and we needed that, and I don't think it was an accident.  Good one God.